Darlene Lancer, author of Conquering Shame and Codependency, on tour July 2014

Shame is an emotion that can be buried in a person’s psyche so deep that one does not realize how much he is affected by it.  From the publisher that popularized the topics of shame and codependency with such publications as Brene Brown’s The Gifts of Imperfection and Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More, Hazelden Publishing releases CONQUERING SHAME AND CODEPENDENCY: 8 Steps to Freeing the True You (Hazelden Publishing; July 14; $14.95), by nationally-recognized author, codependency expert and family therapist, Darlene Lancer.  This essential guide explores the powerful emotion of shame, what can happen if it is not addressed, and provides practical advice on how to break deep-rooted patterns.

In the book, Lancer begins by explaining the difference between guilt and shame: “Guilt results from violating rules or moral precepts, while shame emanates from breaching accepted group norms.  We’re guilty if we do something bad.  With shame, we believe that we ourselves are bad or inadequate in some way.”  Understanding these definitions shows how incredibly deep and profound feelings of shame can be, and as a result, how difficult it can be to change how you feel about yourself.

She then delves into the link between shame and codependency, explaining how they prevent us from living life as our “true selves”.  As the result of a combination of personality, parenting, and life experience, we may develop an “inner critic” who is constantly questioning our motives and putting us down for our actions.  We become victims of our own negativity which then leads to codependency, which is the disease of a lost self where one organizes his or her thinking and behavior around another person, process, or substance. Before we know it we may be engaged in abusive or inappropriate relationships.  For example, we may be working in a career we felt we “had” to take on in order to please a parent.  We may be living as if we were someone else, unable to make our own decisions out of fear of hurtful repercussions left over from living with an abusive partner.  These and other similar situations can cause us to spiral down into an unhealthy state such as severe anxiety or depression, substance abuse, or other serious issues.

In CONQUERING SHAME AND CODEPENDENCY Lancer outlines 8 Steps that will help us develop more healthy attitudes about ourselves:

By working through these steps you will be able to better identify and understand the root source of negative feelings and what course of action to take in order to let it go and free yourself to a life confident in being your true self. Drawing on thirty years of experience as a therapist, Lancer has made an immense contribution by writing CONQUERING SHAME AND CODEPENDENCY.  For anyone who has been in therapy or has never knocked on a Ph.D.’s door, this book will break down a wall and open an entirely new path for you to begin living a true and authentic life.